“The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself.” Sahaj Kohli
Last week I was doing power yoga and as I laid in Shavasana (corpse/resting pose), my yoga instructor said to look within ourselves to find that place where love exists. Where we are love. The love that is ever-flowing, over-flowing, and always abundant. And to tap into that place to carry us through the tough times.
And then I started crying.
Perhaps it was the fact that I had been doing the frog pose for a whole five minutes prior which releases our hips and the pent-up emotions we hold there. Or maybe it’s because this is the first holiday I’m spending away from family. Or maybe it’s because I’m in the middle of my first product launch which has been scary, forced me out of my comfort zone, and has taught me how to put unwavering trust and faith in the Universe.
Whatever the reason, I realized in that moment that I had been looking for love outside of myself. I had forgotten the love within me, or chose to ignore it. This source of love has healed me through all the tough times in my life. And this is the source of love YOU need to tap into as well to fuel your self-confidence, banish your doubts and fears, and kick ass in life!
The key to self-confidence is love
Confidence IS self-love. It’s belief in the power and potential you have to create anything you want in your life. It’s the belief that you deserve to have a life you’ve always dreamed of, and that you have that ability within you, right now, to create this amazing life. It’s being your #1 fan and supporter, especially when your loved ones don’t support your big dreams or goals. It’s always having your back no matter what happens. It’s being your own best friend.
So how can you increase your own self-love?
“There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Do you need to forgive yourself for past mistakes? If so, realize no good can come out of holding a grudge against yourself and beating yourself up over it. Remember, there are NO mistakes. Just learning lessons.
Are you also holding onto regret or what-if’s about past relationships or past events? Guess what? You cannot go back and change it. So it’s time to let it go and move on with your life.
Every challenge we experience is an opportunity to release the blocks that are holding us back. Maybe it’s our self-love that needs to grow. Maybe we need to trust ourselves more. Maybe we are learning to overcome fears. Whatever it is, mistakes create learning experiences which help us move beyond these challenges that hold us back from having the life of our dreams.
For more sage advice on self-forgiveness, read my previous article here.
Along the same lines of forgiveness is trusting yourself. Trusting that if you make a mistake, you’re going to be okay. At the end of the day, you’re going to learn a valuable lesson and have an opportunity to release some of your blocks and grow. Don’t forget superwoman, you are still mostly human!
Let go of your negative thoughts and beliefs
You probably hold some negative beliefs and perceptions about yourself that are preventing you from fully loving yourself. Have critical perceptions been drilled into your head from a young age? From your parents? Bullies in your life? Asshole ex-boyfriends who made you feel like shit? Drop all of those negative perceptions and know that is not who you are.
Speaking of negative thoughts and beliefs, I’m holding a free training Webinar tomorrow about this! Make sure you register at http://beyourownheroine.com!
Be your #1 fan!
What would you do for your best friend? Would you stand up for her? Would you tell her to ditch her dead-beat boyfriend? Would you give her a shoulder to cry on and and someone to lean on when the world begins to slip beneath her feet? What you do for your best friend is what you need to do for yourself! If you are not ultimately your #1 fan, who will be? You’ve got to be there for yourself no matter what, and that means taking care of yourself and being gentle during those tough times. So have your back girl!
Be gentle and compassionate
Don’t be so hard on yourself! Are you having a bad day because you’re on your period? Or are you mentally and emotionally exhausted from the day before because your mom landed in the hospital or you got in a big fight with your boyfriend or you worked a 12-hour shift yesterday? Is it okay to take a break and not be productive? Hell yes! Sometimes you need to turn off the overachiever in you and listen to what your body is telling you. And there is no need to beat yourself up over giving your body the rest it needs!
Also, be gentle with yourself. If you’re going through a tough emotional time, honor that. And realize that that’s exactly where you need to be right now. You are releasing old wounds that will create space for new love to come into your life! And that includes self-love.
Realize that you are who you are right now. Yes, you can change your education level or your clothes or your make-up, but you can’t change the core of who you are: your beauty, your personality (don’t change it, just turn up the volume on your own uniqueness), and your body shape. So you can choose to empower yourself by accepting yourself just that way you are, now, or you can keep delaying self-acceptance until you achieve a false, unrealistic ideal version of yourself. And darling, you will never be younger than this very moment so you might as well start thinking you’re beautiful and young instead of waiting till that eye cream reduces the fine lines around your eyes!
Find the beauty within
Redefine your notion of beauty and make sure it’s NOT the same as how we’ve been trained by the media: to be skinny, unhealthy, and have all of our pictures photoshopped! So what IS true beauty?
Here’s my definition. True beauty is happiness and satisfaction with your own life that radiates from the inside out and makes you shine. When you are happy or fulfilled, your skin glows. You smile more. You radiate this energy that is irresistible. Have you ever noticed how you look when you’re in love? You are glowing and more beautiful, and it’s for those same reasons. To me, that is true beauty. Look within to find the inner beauty that shines more brightly than you could ever imagine!
Try this. If you could be your mom (the version that is 200% supportive and encouraging), best friend, therapist, mentor, coach, what would this person say to you when it comes to your beauty? What would this person say to you to let you know how beautiful you are at this very moment?
You are worthy
You are worthy of your desires. You are worthy of your dreams. You are worthy of loving yourself fully and completely. You are worthy of having a kick ass life. Otherwise, why have you read this far into the article??
Consider what blocks or resistance come up as you think of your own self-worth. Dig deep and figure out why you don’t fully believe you deserve to have everything you’ve always dreamed of. Ask a friend to ask you this question and see what comes up. And then banish those thoughts because they’re not serving you!
Keep on shining!
The journey to complete self-love is a tough one. Trust me, I know. But you have more courage and light within you than you could ever imagine. You have the courage to face your own self-doubts and challenges as you continue growing and improving. At the end of the day, all you need to do is be better than you were yesterday, to have more love for yourself than you did before. You can do this beautiful one!
Want more awesome training on self-confidence? Mark your calendar for my next Webinar in my FREE Be Your Own Heroine Training series! It’s happening:
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013 7:00-8:00 pm- “Love, Authenticity, and Self-Confidence”
Also, don’t miss my Webinar for tomorrow: Wednesday 12/19/12 from 7:00-8:00 pm EST where we talk about: “Releasing the crap that doesn’t serve you!”